‘it’s like forgetting the words, to your favorite song’ –rs

this week I have been very wrapped up in me. and now, I’m understanding that that was a very bad thing to do. my exams were ‘suspended’ due to the swine flu outbreak here. but instead of taking it as it was, I got angry at the situation. I demanded to change my flight and go home early. but now in retrospect that was a premature decision. and so, I got angry at myself all over again for making a mistake (but this does not make me a child, merely human). and throughout all of this, I forgot the big picture (which may in fact, make me a child).

everyday the lives of six billion people play out. dreams are crushed, love is found, new beginnings start, beautiful things die, but hope survives. I forgot that what happened this week in my small life means more than just ‘I hate this situation and I hate how I handled it’.

but the moon, my dad, and the girls from the ludo reminded me. there is a lot more going on than my stupid exams. so what if I have to take them in septemeber, I’ll do fine. in fact, it will most likely be a blessing in disguise (as most things are, or end up being). we all learn way more outside of the classroom anyway, but in that respect, I can’t help but feeling like I failed my ‘life final’ to this experience.

it’s not easy for me to admit that I was scared by this ‘sickness’. the idea that one small little particle can end a life just made me feel tragically fragile. all I really wanted was to go home, but not because home is safe. home may not be a perfect place, there may be a pandemic there too, or civil unrest or death or uncertainty, but it is home. and it is where my small life, in that small acre on Glenallen Avenue, feels safe.

and so, I apologize for my behavior. but know I never meant to cause you trouble or do you harm. I just forgot that the moon shines and that bad things are going to happen, and how we deal with those things are what defines who we are.